No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
