Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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