turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
