he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
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He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
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I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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