Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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