Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
