I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
