part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
