How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
