Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
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Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
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It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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