So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
