I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
