I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
