you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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