FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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