...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
