Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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