I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
