He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
