Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
