the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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