New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
my poor anus
I got inside last night via doggy door
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
