I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
