But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
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Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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