is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
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I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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