yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
