I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
