you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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