Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
