They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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