You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
