I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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