Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
