I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Panties = found
Randomize
