peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
