he shaved USA in his pubs
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
