You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
