His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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