So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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