if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
