I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
