Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize