i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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