I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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