also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
