he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
