Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
