guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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