just tell him i said nine months
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
