can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
