My liver just broke up with me...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
