So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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