went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So many bounce houses so little time
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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