i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
