so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
