Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
