apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
