I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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