so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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