i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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