My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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