just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
